Jack is a Bernese Mountain dog. Bernese Mountain dogs are working dogs with origins in the farm areas of Switzerland. Switzerland is a country that remains neutral. Neutral is the gear I thought my father's car was in when I stepped on the gas and slammed it into the garage door. The Doors sang a song called "Light My Fire." Fire is how I lost the feeling in my right index finger. Finger licking good is how I like my chicken. Chicken was my unfortunate nickname when I played soccer. Soccer was the only intramural sport I played in college. College is where I found out that I don't know jack. Jack is a Bernese Mountain dog.